I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
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