we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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