you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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