you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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