just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
