I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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