Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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