You really coming over, don't trick.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
