why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
