After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
