I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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