Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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