You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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