That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Welp...herpes.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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