Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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