she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize