Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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