i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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