wrigley field is MILF paradise
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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