he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
