I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize