I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize