I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
