I wanna passion pit in your ass
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
