Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
