The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
