I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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