Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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