This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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