i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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