You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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