Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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