We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
