Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize