yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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