What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize