you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
