Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Me. At least after what I've been through.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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