Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
