the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
