First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
