I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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