I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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