I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
