How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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