What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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