cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
