lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
