I got chris browned last night
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
