I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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