i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
