Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
