just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
as a side note pls kill me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize