please come you make the beer taste better
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
