Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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