and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
