just tell him i said nine months
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
