it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize