a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
