if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Mom said you looked used
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
