went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
