who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
