Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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