There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
