kristin has been a bad kristin
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
