I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
