What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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