ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
